Return to Love
by snoozin81
Summary: Ellie finds herself torn between two men.


Ellie felt arms snake around her, pulling her back against soft skin and hard muscle. A warm breath tickled her ear and she could almost hear the smirk curling the corners of his mouth in the way that infuriated her and excited her all at the same time.

"Ready for round two?" he teased, placing a soft kiss beside her ear and tracing his fingers along the curve of her stomach.

She could already feel the heat boiling up around them as she twisted in his arms, finding his lips in the dark and meshing her own against them. She couldn't remember how it started or why or when but none of it really mattered. He was there and so was she and the fire that erupted between them was anything but wrong.

"Earth to El," Marco's voice came out of nowhere, chasing away the bliss of her dream.

Ellie let out a groan as she shifted uncomfortably in the passenger's seat of Marco's rental. She slowly opened her eyes to the setting sun and quickly took note of their surroundings. They were less than an hour from Toronto.

"Sorry, what?" Ellie asked trying to fight off the uneasiness that was creeping up on her.

"I asked if you were planning on staying with your mom or with Ash," Marco reiterated, concern creasing his forehead and narrowing his brows.

"Oh, uh, neither, I've rented a room at the Toronto Grand. It'll be quieter and easier to work on my term paper," Ellie replied, reaching over to twist the heat vent away from her.

"Easier for you to avoid a certain ex you mean," Marco corrected.

Ellie's eyes narrowed in warning as she shot Marco a glare from across the console. She was not about to rehash her fling with Jay and that's exactly what it was, a fling, nothing more. Two years was plenty of time to forget something that hadn't really mattered in the first place.

"El," Marco started but Ellie quickly turned her attention to the road loaming a head of them.

Toronto was somewhere up there in the distance, the one place she hoped she'd never have to return. There were too many bad memories, her mother's drinking, Craig's drug habit, Jay, the closer they got the more the memories plagued her.

_"What happened to you?" Ellie asked as Jay came crashing through the door, dried blood coating his bottom lip. His left eye encased in a blanket of black and blue._

Ellie jumped up from her spot on the couch and rushed towards him but he brushed past her on his way to the kitchen. She followed stopping in the door way and watching as Jay pulled a frozen bag of peas out of the freezer followed by a fifth of Jack out of the cabinet.

"What are you doing?" Ellie asked concern creeping into her voice at the sight of the liquor bottle.

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" Jay snapped back spinning the lid off and letting the warm liquid slide down the back of his throat easing the pain and tension that had settled into every muscle of his body.

"Don't do this, Jay. Please," Ellie begged, easing her way across the tiny kitchen and gently taking the bottle from his hand.

Jay rolled his eyes and sighed, pulling himself up onto the top surface of the counter. He leaned his head back against the wooden cabinets and set the pea bag on his bruising eye.

"It's just a drink, Red. After the day I've had I definitely think I deserve it." Jay offered in exhaustion.

Ellie grabbed a clean dish rag out of the drawer and ran it under the sink faucet before stepping back in front of Jay and asking, "What happened?" She blotted the rag against his cut lip stopping only a split second as he flinched.

"Greenpeace decided to run her f***ing mouth to Sean about the Ravine," Jay replied. "Needless to say he didn't take the news so well."

"But that was so long ago," Ellie questioned, tossing the rag back over to the sink and stepping in between Jay's knees.

Jay sighed again removing the frozen bag from his face and sitting it on the counter beside him, "Tell that to Bam Bam."

"I'm sorry," Ellie offered with a weak smile. She leaned up on tip toes and gently kissed Jay on the lips being careful to avoid his cut. "But drowning yourself in a bottle isn't going to make you feel better."

"Lay off, El. I really don't need a lecture right now." Jay snapped sliding off the counter and planting his feet firmly on the floor. He grabbed the frozen bag and the bottle she'd sat in the sink then with a kiss to her temple he headed off down the hall to the bedroom.

**-0-0-**

The lobby of the Toronto Grand was bright with florescent lighting. It illuminated every inch of the room and blinded Ellie who had become accustomed to the darkness that had settled outside. She blinked a few times before making her way across the huge seating area to the front desk.

"Reservation for Nash," Ellie informed the petite blonde behind the counter.

The girl clicked around on a computer screen before giving Ellie a smile and handing her a key card. "We hope you enjoy your stay Miss Nash. If there's anything we can do for you please let us know."

Ellie nodded and said a quick thanks before heading towards the elevator, suitcase in tow. She stood along one wall waiting for the elevator to jerk into motion but just as the doors started to slide shut a hand shot out causing them to retreat back and leaving Ellie face to face with a blast from her past.

"Ellie is that you?" Sean asked, hesitating in the doorway of the elevator.

"The one and only," Ellie quipped with a small smile.

"It's been awhile," Sean continued, finally moving forward at the elevator's irritated ding and pressing the button for the fifth floor.

"Two years, three months, one week, and a day," Ellie recited without a hitch.

Sean chuckled, "Was Toronto really that bad?"

She quirked an eyebrow and shot him a look that said, 'do you really have to ask'. Sean had escaped once. He'd fled the hell of Toronto and she still wasn't sure why he'd ever decided to come back.

"Well it's good to see you, El," he offered sincerely. "What brings you back?"

"Ashley and Jimmy's wedding," Ellie explained before adding with a chuckle, "Apparently there's no such thing as a long distance bridesmaid."

Sean laughed, easing Ellie's anxiety. He hadn't changed much over the last couple of years, still broad shouldered and good looking. His blue eyes radiating kindness and questions, of course she had her own questions but those would have to wait.

"So, I guess you're going to be pretty busy with all the wedding plans and what not?" Sean asked, looking up at the number panel then back at Ellie.

Ellie nodded, "But hopefully not too busy, I've got paper due in less than a week and I haven't even started it yet."

"I heard you were writing for some big fancy magazine down in New York," Sean replied. "But even geniuses have to eat, right?"

"Is that an offer?" Ellie teased with a genuine smile. Maybe being home wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Only if the answer's yes," Sean teased in return.

Ellie chuckled, "Well I do tend to work better on a full stomach. What did you have in mind?"

The elevator lurched to a stop causing Ellie to stumble a little. Sean reached out helping to steady her. Ellie felt the warmth of his hand seep through the fabric of her sweater. Or maybe it was her imagination, she wasn't really sure. She tried to remember the last time anyone had caused the butterflies that were currently taking nest in her stomach but she didn't like where that train of thought led and quickly shook it away.

"You okay?" Sean asked, searching her eyes for the truth she probably wouldn't give him. Once upon a time they'd be close but he'd thrown it away for beach therapy or home whatever you wanted to call it. When he finally came back, things had been tense and awkward. There'd been a million things and people in the way... college, Cameron's Custom Cars, Craig, Emma, and Jay. He wasn't sure why or how they'd managed to run into each other but he was taking it as a sigh, a second chance.

"Not a big fan of elevators," Ellie laughed. "I'm fine, really."

"Good," Sean sighed in relief taking a step back. He remembered the doors and quickly stepped between them before they could shut. "How about the Dot, say in an hour?"

Ellie smiled again, "Sounds good. I'll meet you in the lobby in an hour."

Sean nodded taking a step back allowing the doors of the elevator to slide shut. When his view of Ellie had been completely blocked off by the metal he turned around and headed down the hall to his hotel room.

Ellie smiled at her reflection shinning off the door as the elevator carried her up to her own floor. Halfway down the hall Ellie slid the card into the slot and stepped inside her neatly furnished room. An hour didn't give Ellie long to get ready. She desperately wanted a shower but by passed it in favor of fresh clothing and a makeup touch up. Unwrinkled and ready Ellie headed back downstairs to the lobby.

**-0-0-**

Ellie looked around from her seat in the back of the Dot, the restaurant hadn't changed much. She half expected to see Spinner moving around behind the counter but instead it was a younger girl with several braids and thick framed glasses. She turned her attention back to Sean, "So why are you staying at the hotel? You don't live here anymore?"

"Nope," Sean replied. "I moved back to Wasaga shortly after you left."

Ellie took a sip of her unsweet tea that the waitress had sat in front of her. "What about Emma," she asked, studying Sean's reaction.

His jaw clenched at the question, his eyes darkened and then went soft again. Even when they'd dated Ellie had always known that he loved Emma. Anyone with half a brain knew it was obvious. She had a hard time believing that Sean would let one little mistake ruin everything.

"Things didn't work out," he offered with a sad smile. "She took on one too many lost causes."

"Jay?" Ellie questioned, her own voice cracking around the sound of his name.

Sean nodded, "After you left…well, things got pretty bad and the activist in Emma wanted to fix everything, including Jay."

"He was your friend once," Ellie stated as she began to pull apart the napkin in her hand. "He made a mistake…we all do."

"Yeah, but there are certain lines you just don't cross," Sean bit back defensively. "Screwing around with your friend's girlfriend is one of them."

Ellie gently bit her lower lip hoping to hold back the emotions she'd gotten so good at hiding. "Don't you mean ex girlfriend? You and Emma weren't together when they hooked up," Ellie explained, her voice shaking slightly despite her efforts to keep it level.

"It's still a line that shouldn't be crossed and he crossed it twice," Sean replied, two year old anger etching across his jaw.

Ellie chuckled nervously, "But it wasn't Jay and I that bothered you. It was Jay and Emma that you couldn't let go of."

Sean looked down at the empty place in front of him, guilt over shadowing his anger as he nodded. The bell above the door jingled drawing Ellie's attention away from Sean and up into the eyes of another ex.

She was lost in a sea of blue, a chameleon of colors that defined an entire year of her life. Colors that changed depending on mood, or setting, or time of year. It was one shade above Navy that she remembered the most, fear and anger. The set of his jaw, hard, jagged, hiding all the emotions behind a five o'clock shadow. Pain that only flashed for brief seconds at a time because he'd become too accustomed to hiding it. Pain was weakness and he was anything but weak.

That's what she saw now as their eyes met across the crowded restaurant; anger, hurt, maybe even a hint of jealousy. Her stomach jumped before twisting into a knot of confusion. Two years, she shouldn't still love him, right?

_"You're drunk?" Ellie asked flipping on the light and causing Jay to groan. "It's two o'clock in the afternoon."_

"Get out!" Jay yelled as he stood up and stumbled past Ellie on his way into the kitchen. He wretched open the freezer door and pulled out a brand new bottle of Vodka hidden in the back behind the frozen TV dinners.

"I've been through this before, remember?" she yelled back, jerking the bottle out of his hands. "I won't go through it again."

"So go," Jay snapped, reaching for the bottle but missing due to his already intoxicated state. "Go to New York. That's where you really want to be anyway isn't it? I don't need you Ellie and I sure as hell don't need a f***ing babysitter."

"But I thought..." Ellie paused, tears pooling behind her eyes.

Jay sneered, "You thought what? That we'd get married, pop out a few spoiled brats and live happily ever after? Get real. I'm a screw up and you…well you're just convenient."

"El, what's wrong…" Sean started twisting in his seat to look over his shoulder.

Ellie swallowed the lump in her throat and just as quickly as Jay had entered the restaurant he turned around and walked right back out. Ellie let out the breath she'd been holding as Sean turned back around to face her.

"Do you still love him?" he asked, his eyes boring right into hers.

Ellie thought about lying, the way she lied to Marco, the way she lied to herself but something about the way Sean was looking at her caused her to nod instead of denying it. For the first time it truly set in, she still loved him despite the bad times, despite the hell he'd put her through, despite everything and everyone that said it wouldn't work.

"El, seeing you tonight…well, I realize what I gave up and if I could go back and change anything in my life, it would be walking out on you. You deserve better than him," Sean stated reaching across the table and taking Ellie's hands in his own. "You deserve so much better."

Ellie nodded her eyes still on the door. The waitress stepped up to the table juggling two plates. Sean was forced to let go of Ellie's hands to make room for his veggie burger platter and she quickly pulled them back letting them rest in her lap.

An awkward tension hung over the rest of the mean as Ellie picked at her salad and chicken sandwich. Her appetite had left with Jay's sudden arrival and departure but she didn't want to bail on Sean so she took several bites and the preceded to push the rest around on her plate with the tip of her fork.

"Sorry," Sean said when the silence got so think it was nearly suffocating. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," Ellie replied. "Don't be sorry. I've enjoyed hanging out with you tonight, I have. It's just…hard, you know, being back and everything. I never really dealt with what happed between Jay and me. I kind of just pushed it away, ignored it, ran away from it, take your pick."

"I get it, believe me," Sean chuckled. "This is actually the first time I've been back too."

Ellie offered a faint smile, "Really? What brings you back?"

"Cameron's Custom Cars is looking to expand. I was thinking about opening a second one here in T.O."

"That's great Sean," Ellie offered genuinely. "I think it's great that you made your dream a reality. It's nice to know some dreams really do come true."

Sean nodded finishing off his soda, "What you say we get out of here?"

"Sounds good," Ellie replied, tossing her napkin over her unfinished meal before standing up and following Sean up to the cash register.

**-0-0-**

Ellie stepped off the elevator, her attention immediately drawn to the figure sitting outside her hotel room door. His head leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed to the bright ceiling lights. It caused her stomach to jump into action again, a flurry of butterflies.

"How'd you find me?" Ellie asked as she stepped up to the door and used the key card to unlock it.

"I ran into Marco," Jay answered, standing up.

Ellie rolled her eyes and muttered, "Traitor."

"Can we talk?" Jay asked, ignoring the barb.

Ellie sighed, stepping into the room then stepping to the side to let Jay through. The familiar scent of soap and motor oil invaded her senses, taking her back in time. She shook the feeling away and shut the door with a soft click.

Jay walked over to the window, looking out at the city twinkling in the darkness. He'd never been good with feelings and emotion and crap. It was a waste of time and energy but per Marco, Ellie was only in town for a short time and Jay figured it was now or never.

"I'm listening," Ellie said, drawing Jay's attention away from the city.

"You and Sean looked pretty cozy." Jay stated, mentally kicking himself the second the words were out of his mouth.

"My dinner companions are none of your business Jay," Ellie replied defensively.

Jay sighed moving a few steps closer to Ellie, "I know that…but I haven't seen you in two years, El."

"Whose fault is that, Jay?" Ellie asked in return. "You knew where I was."

Jay nodded, sitting down on the edge of the twin bed closest to the window. He stared down at the floor for several seconds before looking up into Ellie's emerald eyes. "I screwed up pretty bad with Alex, with Sean, with you," Jay started as he stood back up. "I just…I'm sorry."

Jay moved past Ellie towards the door. His hand circled the door handle pulling the heavy wood open as Ellie called after him, "Jay…"

Sean stood on the other side of the door. At the sight of Jay his hands curled into fists and the vain in his neck pulsed.

"What are you doing here?" Sean bit out between clinched teeth.

"Don't worry, I was just leaving." Jay said. With a final fleeting look at Ellie over his shoulder he pushed past Sean and headed down the hallway.

Ellie collapsed onto the edge of the second bed, tears flowing out of the corners of her eyes. Sean eased into the room, "El?"

"I just want to be alone," She replied on a whisper. "I need time…to think."

Sean nodded and eased his way back out of the room. He headed down the hall towards Jay who was still waiting on the elevator to arrive.

"Stay away from her." Sean warned, leaning against the opposite wall as Jay and starring him straight in the eye.

"Or what, you'll punch me in the face again?" Jay smarted in return. "The only reason you're even giving Ellie the time of day is to pay me back for the whole Emma thing. Get over it. It was a long time ago and you skipped out on us."

"This has nothing to do with you and Emma," Sean replied defensively.

"Right," Jay drawled. "Because you just suddenly decided Ellie's the one you want to be with, how convenient."

"Like you'd know anything about it," Sean continued his voice rising in anger.

Jay smirked pushing himself off the wall and taking a step closer to Sean, "I know you abandoned her when she needed you the most. I know you left her with rent and bills and your sh*t to pack up. I know that you still have a thing for the nature freak and that you were with her two weeks ago. I'm not as stupid as you think I am Seany Boy."

"Could have fooled me, how long did it take you to actually pass your G.E.D. test?" Sean tossed back with a ****y grin.

"Would you two give it a rest already?" Ellie yelled drawing both boys attention away from their argument and over to where she stood outside her hotel room door. "I'm so sick of this. It's been two years, let it go!"

**-0-0-**

"So much for hiding in the hotel," Marco laughed into his cell phone.

"It's not funny," Ellie whined. "I seriously thought they were going to throw all three of us out of the hotel."

"Sorry but it is kind of funny. I mean both your ex's fighting over you. Come on, El, don't you see the humor in it?" Marco continued trying to hold back his laughter.

"No!" Ellie shrieked into the hotel room phone.

"Okay, okay," Marco caved with a sigh. "But it sounds to me like you've got a decision to make."

"The only decision I have to make is whether or not to rewrite my speech for the wedding. After Ash and Jimmy tie the knot I'm going back to New York and leaving all this crap behind me." Ellie explained.

Marco shook his head despite the fact that Ellie couldn't see him, "You can't run away forever, El. Problems always catch up to you in the end."

**-0-0-**

"Jimmy and I went to away last weekend to his parent's cabin, El, it was amazing. He has to be the greatest guy ever," Ashley gushed as the stylist curled her long hair into ringlets.

Ellie fought the urge to roll her eyes. She'd been avoiding Sean and Jay for the better part of a week, the last thing she wanted to hear was Ashley's happy relationship bliss. The wedding was in a few hours. If she could make it through the reception she could be New York bound and problem free.

"I can't believe I'm getting married," Ashley continued. "I'm so nervous. El…El are you listening to me?"

"Yes, Ash, Jimmy's amazing. He's Super Boyfriend fully equipped with a cape," Ellie laughed. "The wedding's going to go off without a hitch and the two of you will live happily ever after."

"And what about you?" Ashley asked, her voice taking on a more serious, concerned tone.

"What about me?" Ellie questioned as her own stylist began to pin her hair up on top of her head.

"Do you plan on running away from love for the rest of your life?" Ashley asked. "Or just until it's too late?"

"Love's overrated," Ellie muttered, studying her own reflection in the mirror.

"He asks about you a lot," Ashley continued. "After you left he pretty much hit rock bottom but he managed to pull himself back up. El, he hasn't had anything to drink in over a year."

"Since when are you Jay's number one fan?" Ellie snapped, turning slightly to look at Ashley.

"Since I saw the same look in his eye that Jimmy gets when we're together," Ashley explained. "You changed him in more ways thea you know. He's not quite the obnoxious ass he use to be. Don't get me wrong he's still obnoxious but…"

Ellie laughed, "You're just on a wedding high. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm not the one that's been gone for two years. Open your eyes, Ellie. Before it too late," Ashley suggested as the lady finished up her hair and took the smock off her.

Ellie looked back at her reflection, auburn locks twisting down around her face, light blue flowers tucked into the mass of hair resting on top of her head. Her make up was done in soft tones instead of blacks and browns, a light pink gloss coating her lips. Maybe Ashley was right? Maybe it was time to stop running?

**-0-0-**

"You look so hot," a voice whispered against her ear.

Ellie smiled turning around to face Jay. She'd never seen him dressed up before and had been surprised to see him at the wedding at all. Ashley had been right, she'd been gone for a long time and people and things changed but luckily some things didn't.

Jay smirked, "You're staring."

Ellie nodded, "You clean up good, Hogart."

She laughed lightly looking up into his blue eyes, the soft blue that she use to love…that she still loved. A soft song drifted out of the speakers and Jay held his hand out to Ellie. She accepted, letting him lead her out on to the dance floor. They danced for what felt like hours trading stories of the past two years. They laughed and joked and smiled, for the first time Ellie was glad she'd come back to Toronto, for the first time she was dreading the return trip to New York.

"What about Sean?" Jay asked as he pulled up in front of the hotel's main doors.

"Sean and I were over a long time ago," Ellie replied tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Jay nodded, "And us?"

Ellie shrugged, "I don't know. Marco and I are headed back to New York in the morning. I've got school and my internship at Rolling Stone and…"

"It's okay. I get it." Jay replied, defeated.

"No you don't," Ellie interjected, turning in her seat to face Jay. "Because I'd give it all up if I knew…if I knew this is what you really, really wanted."

"It's the only thing I've ever wanted," Jay said honestly, leaning over the console to kiss Ellie softly on the lips.

**-0-0-**

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye were you?" Sean asked coming up behind Ellie in the lobby.

Ellie spun around to face Sean nearly knocking over the suite case at her feet. "Actually, I'm staying here." she explained leaning down to steady the wobbling luggage.

"Oh, yeah?" He questioned in confusion.

"Sean," Ellie started. "I'm sorry but Jay…"

"Jay," Sean nodded. "I should have known. I don't get what's with you girls and your obsessions with Jay."

"It's not an obsession. It's love," Ellie explained. "The same kind of love you and Emma have always had and will always have."

"I don't know about all of that. Everyone makes Emma and I out to be this super couple but believe me we've had our share of problems…more than our share." Sean offered. "I just want you to be happy, El."

Ellie smiled, "I am happy." She leaned in and hugged Sean. "And I want you to be happy too, so try to let go of the whole Jay and Emma thing because it really was nothing and it had absolutely nothing to do with you."

"I'll try," Sean agreed then with a nod to the door added, "You better go. Your boyfriend's waiting."


End file.
